I wish you well.

Moving to the next quarter of this year, April to the end of June.

So much inactivity, struggle, I don't know...

It's beginning to set in how much nothing has happened in 2024 so far. I cannot remember anything of value really occuring these last few months despite a general feeling of "I've been getting better at life I guess" and even then?

I'm leaving for college this year, but will things change even then? What I've been holding out for to change my environment? Or is the haze due to me?

Maybe it's both?

I can write whatever I want here, and I still don't.

I would like to journal here more. I've always thought I shouldn't, but why not.

Not many people may read, but the people who do may come from all sorts of places. Formal or not. It's the formal that worries me.

So that's the problem. It's, I want to maintain a good self-image if I share this for other people, because I don't want it to be totally private.

But I really should just stop caring. This is who I am. Someone who doesn't work, but has a lot of ideas ranging in a lot of topics. Someone who's, I hope, adaptable. I've needed to be adaptable to live, anyways...

When the time comes for my life to drastically change, I want to be there for it.

Right now, all I can do is live a life of repetition, but do what I can to break out of it through what I create and learn every day.

Piece by piece, like building a staircase to get over this wall or something. I'm too tired for metaphors right now...

10:45PM.

I have been working on stuff recently.

Random coding projects, like a web app and something that's part Minecraft mod, part Discord bot. Silly sounding, but it's for my friends, and it's made me really happy to be able to do something for my friends in this way.

I always say that's what I like to use programming for. I would like that statement to be more and more true in the long run, so I will try to keep doing things like this.

When I can focus, I really can focus. But it takes the stars to align to get me focused. Otherwise I wallow and do nothing.

I want to find value in the next quarter of my year.

Maybe it isn't important to find concrete value in every day? Like, "oh on April 6 I did this". Maybe just, "I worked and improved in April, as I did every other month." is enough.

Because when I look back in the start of 2025, I will be so much better than I was in 2024. People around me say that I've changed so much since 2023, so I guess I'm always growing, both consciously and unconsciously.

That's kinda beautiful.

At this point I'm talking in circles. I just wanted to write basically a journal entry but this time, on my blog. An uncontrolled stream of thought. There is NO editing on this post, no going back.

With that said, good night.